My parents worked so very hard to make me lovable that I didn’t know I was.
I do not fault for them for that. They wanted to be sure I fit into the world. That I was accepted and acceptable. How could they have known that I would grow into an adult for whom fitting in was not a goal? That being accepted by a world that was governed by values contrary to mine was not a priority?
My life path has been about learning that I am lovable as is, even though I frequently make mistakes that are a result of loveless perception.
The efforts to be acceptable and lovable are rooted in the false belief that we are not already that. Those efforts result in an increased sense of being somehow faulty. Somehow less than. Somehow unworthy. Working hard to be lovable is living life from a faulty premise. It is being rooted in a false sense of self. It leaves us to lead with pretense and veneer, afraid to show what is tender and uncertain underneath. These erroneous core beliefs always lead to defense and disconnection. It is a painful way to live. And is rampant in our culture.
My lovability is essential, intrinsic, and assured by creation. I am lovable because I am. Period. It need not and cannot be earned. It is the belief that I am not lovable that leads me to loveless actions and hurtful relationships. Allowing myself to be loved by life is a supreme spiritual practice. It requires constant vigilance and relentless surrender. As soon as I find I am trying to be loved and accepted I must choose to return to my heart space, to the awareness that in trying to be loved I am pushing it away.
If I perceive that I must become a certain thing or hide certain aspects of myself in order that you love me then that is indeed not love. That is love masquerading as control and manipulation. That is your faulty love-equation projected onto me. I cannot change that about you. But I surely will not conform to those fear-based rules of deception.
My lovability is my true nature. It is my highest priority. I am imperfect for sure, and I am still and always lovable. I am intrinsically worthy, acceptable: as is. And in a dualistic and divisive world that true nature must be courted, cultivated, and compassioned. Early wounding runs deep. We are wounded in relationship and we will heal in relationship. That begins inside each one of us. I pray daily to know that I am loved, loving, lovable: that I am love.
When I am in remembrance and in resonance with my love-nature then love is my radiance. I love you in your imperfection and unskillfulness. I recognize that you too were molded to be become lovable. While all the time you already were. You already are. We already are. We already are. We always were.
Let that in. You are lovable, and I love you. As is. Nothing to change. Nothing to hide. No pretense to be had.
Lovability is what we are.