TIRED OF THE SELF
It seems to me that there are those who never tire of telling self-diminishing stories about themselves, and then blaming others for the effects those stories generate.
Please feel free to delete and/or to unsubscribe at any point. I just feel compelled to say this and to say it now.
It is common in our culture to deal with issues surrounding self-esteem. Most if not all of us have or continue to struggle with a wounded sense of self. I personally believe these challenges are integral to our spiritual evolution. We are meant to grow from a false to a truer self-image. The false sense of self is emotionally originated and is then perpetuated by the mental stories we tell from this wounding and fragility.
This emotional wounding-story telling creates most of our suffering here in this human condition. It is causal, thus attracting circumstances and situations which match the vibrations and the stories we are emitting and weaving. The subsequent suffering continues until it becomes so intense that we begin to more closely examine the role that we are playing in the dramas. As we deal directly with our part, and what we are projecting forth, our sense of self begins to change. In short, we become willing to forgive and to tell a better tale. We reparent and attend to the woundedness. We stop blaming others and outer effects for the pain we have experienced.
We stop blaming others and outer effects for the pain we have experienced.
And now back to my original premise we go.
There are those who never tire of telling self-diminishing stories about themselves, and then blaming others for the effects those stories generate.
Someone had to tell you. It might as well be someone who was masterful at it for decades.
I suffered so severely from my self-stories that one day my suffering began to awaken me. It began to dawn on me that I was the one telling the maligning tales about myself. I was the one perpetuating the painful stories. I was the one choosing the diminishing meanings to what was occurring. To how people were treating me. My sense of self and my subsequent experience was totally up for sale to the nearest bidder. Having no clear sense of who I was, outside of the faulty and fearful self, I was constantly tossed about by the opinions and the projections of others.
I emitted the painful energy. I told the demeaning tale. And others were continually attracted that would mirror for me what I unconsciously thought of myself. And then I made them wrong. I blamed them for my hurt. I denounced them for not treating me like I wanted to be treated. Disowning the fact that they were treating me exactly as I was treating myself.
I was the common denominator and I couldn’t see it.
Until I could. Until I did.
It is at this point that the author tells you that when he saw that he was telling the painful stories he stopped doing it and has been living in an affirmative glow ever since.
What this author is going to tell you is that after the suffering began to awaken me and I began to own what I was doing to myself I have never again been totally kidnapped by the dynamic. I never completely forget that I am a living participation in the human drama, and that everything that happens to me is happening through me. I am constantly applying meaning to what is happening. I am continually offered the opportunity to decide how I show up internally, and so in relationship. While our interactions influence my energy field, I refuse to play victim or to blame you for how I am feeling. I am responsible for my self-regulation. I am responsible for how I respond to the mirroring that is occurring. I am responsible for the energy I put firth, regardless of what story you may be telling.
I am free to a large degree of the self-diminishing stories I used to demean myself with. This freedom makes me particularly sensitive to those who are still caught in the dynamic. Daily I am privy to people I care deeply about still entrenched in what amounts to delusional stories of how life is treating them. I ache as I watch. I want to help. I want to alleviate the suffering.
And I know I can’t.
I have tried. I have employed various strategies to interrupt the stories. I have bent over backwards to acknowledge and to affirm these prisoners of their own reality. And I have found that no matter how hard I have tried it is never enough.
It will never be enough.
So, I have found that the greatest gift I can give is to continue to do my own inner work. To continue to pray into my deepest Self, and to surround these storytellers with as much Light as possible. I refuse to buy into or to collude with the stories. I do not let myself get hooked. This means I do not go into reactivity when I am a character in the story. I also work with my own frustration that there are those who either can’t or won’t stop the self-abuse. Or the blame. Or the story-identification.
It ultimately is such wasted energy. Until I dealt directly with what I was doing to myself I could not effectively serve humanity. I was too trapped in myself. To caught in my own web. I was my own false god and so, even though I wanted to, I couldn’t serve the True One.
Self-stories are blasphemy. Tormenting tales are the height of arrogance. We are beings of Source and we are here to shine. Dimming our own Light serves no one.
If anything here rings true for you I pray you will take this to heart. That you will stop and look at your own suffering. That you will begin to peel away the blame and own what you have been transmitting and projecting. That you will self-interrupt your demeaning stories and see the effects for the mirroring that they are.
I pray that you will tire of the self. Tire of the self-induced suffering. Tire of the blame and disempowerment.
Forgive yourself, yourself. Tell a better story. Emit a Lighter energy. And then watch what begins to come your way.